© 2019 by Mamta Rana

A Look Back

So recently I took a trip to downtown Dallas for an event. The event itself was pretty dope event- pretty fresh vibes. I took the train to not pay for parking or worry about traffic. Instead of going straight home afterwards,I decided to stop at West End Station (where I went to college) and get some work done at the corner bakery where I use to spend hours, either reading, drawing, or people watching. I sat in the same spot and ordered the same monster candy cookie (it was delicious).


There came a moment where glanced up and was instantly taken back 5-7 years. What I was feeling, What was going on internally at the time, the stress, colleagues, friends, excitement, not wanting to go home because I wanted to work, the seasons, what that spot looked like when it rained, when it was windy, what a chilly morning looked like. I remembered the time I wore my mothers 20 year old shoes that fell apart on my way to class. The heart to hearts that I had with my peers. The music I listened to, the breakups, the patch ups, the hot chocolate and bagel with cream cheese or hot oatmeal.


The only difference was that I was looking at all of this from a different point of view. It was like I was looking at myself from an outside perspective, and I felt this weird sense of peace - even nourishment. It was like: *sighs* "I've grown. I can see how this has all connected. It wasn't like the time I had spent there was extreme rock bottom turmoil, and it definitely wasn't a time where I was extremely happy. It was this bitter sweet. Where I felt like I got along with the things and people happening in my life, but deep down I felt like I didn't fit into the world at all. I had dropped my major in medicine. I was studying design and I liked it, but I had such a hard time seeing myself in it despite the wall different spaces I printed and pasted. I know now that my heart lied in henna but I was afraid to accept it then. I was in denial. My self confidence was at an all time low (I didn't allow people to hug me).


Looking back, sitting in the same spot, doing the same thing. I feel grateful for my journey. It empowered me to keep going, but with a sense of calmness. Is this what it feels like to grow. Is this what walking the path you're meant to walk feels like?


And just like that, in the next moment I was snapped back into the present staring out the window. I'll let you in on a little secret: I was at peace and I was present for the rest of the day.



Baby girl, trust me. The universe is magical and it will work for you, but you have to want it enough to start working for it first. I have faith in you and I have faith in your dream. It's coming, I promise. Deep Breath in... Exhale slowly... your greatness is manifesting, and I'm so here for it. Just trust.


Love,

Mamta

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